The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize