sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
