I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
