You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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