the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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