yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize