i barfeds in our rink
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
