Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
