just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
