my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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