Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize