my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize