I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
