I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
