I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
