I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
