i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
