Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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