Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
