I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
