the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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