Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
