They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She told me I should be a condom model.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
