I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sext me about skeletons
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
