Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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