i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize