I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
