i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
