I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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