no, he came in my armpit
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
