I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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