I faked an abortion last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
