Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
