I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
