he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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