Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
