he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize