I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
