She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Im part way to drunk.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
