so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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