im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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