It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
