in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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