I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
only if we run a train.
done.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
