Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I looked at my own cervix.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Randomize
