I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
