3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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