Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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