Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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