My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Drunk is not a location!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
