she woke up with a sticky ear
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize