Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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