I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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