Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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