We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
