right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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