Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
