I'm sorry my penis didn't work
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
