only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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