I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
