At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
