Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
