thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
