So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
