I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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