I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
