and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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