rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
