I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
