I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
