Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
only if we run a train.
done.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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