Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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