don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize