So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize