like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
