Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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