wakey wakey hands off snakey
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize