I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
