I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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