i just had sex bonerless
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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