I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Be still, my beating vagina.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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