You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
