There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just cropdusted the office
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
