You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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