Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
