I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
